I will not throw up all over the New York Times. I will not throw up all over the New York Times.

"People check you out, and if you have black roots and your hair is fried, it doesn't matter that you're carrying a Bottega bag."

For the record, this is the first I have ever heard of a Bottega bag.
It is not the first I've heard of getting one's hair dyed, highlighted, lowlighted, brightened, lightented, or otherwise touched up by a colorist's deft hand. That's cool, go crazy, look your best, feel good and have fun. But there are limits. And 2,393 words on the subject more than pushes them.

p.s. Number of words allocated to South Dakota state senator Bill Napoli's recent statements on abortion: Still zero.